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|Monday, March 31st, 2008|
Notice to everyone:
I am officially off radar for the rest of the week. You can contact me if you are interested in doing anything that does not involve the following:
1) The computer.
2) Sitting around on our asses, doing nothing
Possible alternatives involve:
1) Going for a walk around town
2) Hanging out at the bookstore
3) Watching a movie (Though I refuse to watch it on a computer screen)
4) Playing a board game (I'll even pitch in to buy the board game)
5) Anything in the goddamn world.
Have a nice day, see you for D&D on friday if you're involved.
|Sunday, September 16th, 2007|
|Yeah, Russell's on this again
So I know I dropped the D&D thing over the summer for the most part, but I'm still really interested in it, and in maybe starting up a weekly game here at longwood...
What I'm wondering is whether anybody here is interested. Also, does anybody here have experience with the D20 system who's interested in DMing. I have NONE, short of what I've read and what I know from video games, so if I DM it'll probably be a bit shaky, at least in the beginning. Lots of pre-scripted adventures that I pulled off the internet. I'd love to do it, but I'd prefer that it be fun for everyone, and that'd probably be better with a more experienced DM. I have all the basic source books, but nothing extra at all, and I only have one set of dice so you'd have to get your own dice set, or at least pay me back for one. (They're only like $4-5 per set)
Anyway, if you're interested, let me know.
|Monday, August 6th, 2007|
|Harry Potter Spoilers
Now that I think everyone who cares has finished reading the new Harry Potter book, I thought I would list off some of my favorite parts:
Kingsley Shacklebolt ambushed by Death Eaters when tricked into entering the ministry to claim "Coolest Name" award.
Voldermort sets fire to Lucius and laughs as he runs around screaming in pain. When asked to explain, he just says "That's what he gets for using a second rate wand."
Dumbledore returns from the dead to put right his one regret of "never telling Severus his true feelings for him while he was alive."
Voldermort gets the drop on Harry, only to discover that Harry is using a wand that is magically predisposed to defeat his wand. In order to counter this, he pulls out a larger, more ornate wand, and is perturbed to find that Harry has drawn an even larger wand which can counter the new wand. This goes on until Harry pulls an uprooted tree with a phoenix hair in it out from under his cloak and Voldermort runs away.
Tonks. She's in the book, so she'll have to be in the movie as well. (I know, I know)
Snape thinks he sees something scaly moving on the floor of his office, jumps into a chair and screams like a little girl.
SNAPE SHAPED HOLE!
Snape reminisces on his past life as a stalker, wonders where the time's gone, looks like a bat while doing it.
Snape in general
Upon entering Hogwarts, Hermione does some quick research, quick calculations, and quick thinking and determines that every single piece of clothing, decoration, or furniture is actually a Horcrux.
The Weasley Twins' invention of the Gatling Gun turns the tide at the battle of Hogwarts.
At the crucial moment Harry can't be found, because he figures he's probably gonna die, and if he only has five more minutes to live he'd much rather spend it in the supply closet shagging Ginny than fighting the dark lord of magic.
Harry and Dumbledore note that Voldermort's soul looks remarkably like a dead baby, spend 300 pages making dead baby jokes.
Through a number of unlikely events, Mrs. Weasley becomes the sexiest character in the story for a full 3 pages.
Voldermort realizes that love truly is the most powerful force in the universe, gives up his life of destruction, gives all of his evil artifacts to charity, marries Bellatrix Lestrange, and has little, crazy, noseless babies.
We discover that Rowling is a literary sadist when she creates a whole cast of new characters with no background and little character development, and then leaves them to the whims of her unruly and slightly psychotic fandom.
Sorry guys, it had to be done.
|Wednesday, July 25th, 2007|
Personality quizzes, since everyone else is doing them. Lack of Naruto naturally, but I may try to find a description somewhere.
Take Free Enneagram Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
Enneagram Test Results
|Type 1 ||Perfectionism || |||| || 16% |
|Type 2 || Helpfulness |||||||||||||| || 50% |
| Type 3 || Image Awareness || |||||||||||||||||| || 80% |
|Type 4 ||Sensitivity || |||||| || 30% |
| Type 5 || Detachment || |||||| || 23% |
|Type 6 ||Anxiety || |||||||||||| || 43% |
| Type 7 || Adventurousness || |||||||||||||||||||| || 83% |
| Type 8 ||Aggressiveness || |||||| || 26% |
| Type 9 ||Calmness |||||||| || 30% |
Your main type is 7
Your variant is sexual
"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate.
ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.
ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at "sharp practice"--ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it's expedient -- or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys"--physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones.
ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general.
In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience -- good, bad, or potential.
Some Famous ENTPs:
Alexander the Great
Confederate General J. E. B. Stuart
Sir Walter Raleigh
|Monday, April 23rd, 2007|
I have a feeling that I'm going to be posting on here more and more and on DA less and less, just because it's hard to keep up with EXACTLY what I am and am not "allowed" to post on MY page at deviantart. Whatever, point is that I don't like to piss a whole bunch of people off, so I'll just gradually start moving over here. My more practical solution was going to be... don't read it, but you know...
Anyway, it's 4:30... so if I'm rambling that's why. I was headed to bed after dair and jen both went, but then I started writing stuff... Not all of it was a winner, but I thought a couple came out at least marginally presentable. I sort of feel like a lot of my poetry is basically me saying what I'm thinking without SAYING what I'm thinking, and this really isn't any different. Still, I used some big words, and one of them almost has a rhythm to it, so why not?
No quiet voice whispers in my ear tonight
no soft breathing lulls me to sleep
only the inhuman, mechanical sounds of a terribly neglected air conditioner.
I can faintly imagine uproarious laughter
from hundreds of miles away
and perhaps a quiet, sad chuckle
from somewhere nominally closer.
In this place, milage doesn't matter
Anywhere I want to be is "unreachable."
I understand in a way others can't
that beauty can be seen
in brightly colored words
glowing from a computer's moniter
Perhaps it becomes even more clear
when aesthetics aren't involved.
Still, there is a certain comfort to touch
and physical closeness
one that cannot be reached
when the room is empty
Maybe it's that seeing you
brings out the best in me
or the way that you persue your goals
Maybe it's because you have
no shame in being you
or because when I'm around you
I want to be me too
Maybe it's that optimistic,
glowing, vibrant charm
so contagious that by being near
I can feel safe from harm
Or maybe it's the fact
that you're always a surprise
or the passion that you have for life
or maybe I just like your eyes
Or a million other things that I
have probably left unsaid
but whatever the reason may be
I can't get you out of my head.
I'm just gonna say like I say on devart, any comments or critiques ALWAYS appreciated.
|Sunday, April 22nd, 2007|
|Another stolen survey
Stole this from Jen... Not sure I really think it was all that accurate, but fun anyway. If you want to take it too, don't read the answers before answering the questions.
1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With who?
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see on AND around it?
7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
8. What do you do with the cup?
9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
10. How will you cross the water?
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
A bunny rabbit… lol
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
It ran away… guess that kind of makes sense
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
It was about 4 stories tall and pretty much a mansion…
5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
Hey, no fence
6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
Mine was just a candle on the table and some chairs… hmmm…
7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
…it was a paper cup
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude.
…I left it alone? What the hell does that mean?
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
…it was a pretty big lake…
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
|Friday, April 20th, 2007|
|you are darkolivegreen|
Your dominant hues are green and yellow. There's no doubt about the fact that you think with your head, but you don't want to be seen as boring and want people to know about your adventurous streak now and again.
Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it.
Your outlook on life is slightly darker than most people's. You try to see things for what they are and face situations honestly. You'd rather get to the point than look for what's good.
|the spacefem.com html color quiz|
Eww, I'm the color of baby poop... Uh, pretty right I suppose. I do look for the good in things, I just accept that things aren't good just because you want them to be. And I do still expend a LOT of effort trying to get the world to change for me.
So yeah, weird week. Let's just pretend this hasn't happened 10000 times before and that this time it's for real. Hard to believe, but I think it might be.
Other than that, still working on getting registered for classes. Believe it or not. They won't let me sign up. And my advisor is out of town. So things not being so great. But... let's think positive. Honestly I just wanted to post the quiz...
|Monday, February 19th, 2007|
So yeah. I don't really feel the need to go into what happened since I'm sure you all know and/or have guessed, and there's no reason to drag it online.
The basic point is that I don't know the person who I've become and I don't like him. I'm behind in my work, I just flat out skipped a bunch of assignments, I'm practically sabotaging my efforts to get out of here. The truth is that I've been so dedicated to protecting the status quo for so long now, that I don't even know how to do something different anymore. Everything evolves to survive, everything changes. And I can't ignore that anymore.
I've hurt people, and I know I have. My indecisiveness has come at the cost of even the hope of friendship with an amazing person, being isolated from people here who I could have been getting to know, of making friends and moving on. I have to wonder how many bridges I've burned trying not to burn any bridges. It's ironic when you think about it, by living trying not to hurt anybody, you end up doing the most damage.
A very special person said some things to me, and she was right. I'm a coward. I ALWAYS play it safe, always make sure I'm not going to be hurt first. Everything I do is a calculated effort to insure my own safety. Not anymore. It's no longer about going for my goals as long as I don't have to risk anything for them, as long as I don't have to change for them.
I screwed up, I can admit that now. I screwed up big time. By not taking any action, by sitting around in an indecisive stupor for so long, I let everything around me fall apart and I did nothing to fix that. I've even stopped writing. My life has come to a grinding halt.
And I'm not depressed about that. But it's time for things to start moving again. My friends, I have been dead for a long time, and now I'm back. I remember the things Russell stands for as a human being, and I'm going back to those things. He's for ambition, for change. Not for the status quo. He's for risks, and for falling down and getting back up. He's for working his ass of when necessary, and for learning and growing. I can finally say that I'm willing to accept the sacrifices of change. I hope that you guys can see that this is who I am and what I have to do, but if not, it doesn't matter. I will fight for your friendships, but I won't sacrifice who I am for them anymore. Life is too short to waste time being what somebody else wants you to be.
If this is goodbye... for any of you, I'm sorry if it seems that I've failed you. I probably have. And I am glad that I knew you. I regret hurting you, but personally I'm thankful for every minute.
Now to go make this more than a bunch of high-minded talk.
|Monday, January 29th, 2007|
Ok, hopefully people are reading because I consider this the most important journal I've ever written. Haha, got you. I did spend a lot of time writing this, but I'm not sure why. Apparently from time to time I feel the need to define who I am in case you already didn't know. But here it is anyway.
I am not a god.
I see them walking around, noses in the sky in some bizarre ritual of self worship. They are oblivious to the mortals that surround them, and they march about like giants among ants. They have mastery over everything, even themselves, basking in their unabashed greatness. And religions spring up around these towering figures, religions made up of people lost in the diety's delusion. And I know that while I act like it at times, I am not one of them.
I am not a man.
I see them sitting around, determined not to show themselves. Bragging about how much they can lift, how much they can drink, how many women they can get. They are in a bar, telling a story about how they wrestled a shark to impress some girl whose name they never bothered to learn. They fight for honor as if there is anything honorable in spilling another's blood. Alone they are simply rediculous, but in groups they start wars, destroy homes and lives, and forge weapons. And I know that while I may act like it at times, I am not one of them.
I am myself.
Other people see me wandering around and give me strange looks. I come off as odd, irritating, even obnoxious at times. I hold on to my beliefs so tightly that I can hear and discuss other opinions. I may not be the most attractive, the most intelligent, the most talented, or the strongest, but I am the most Russell-like. I believe in the good in the world, despite having been disappointed again and again. I believe that there is art and beauty all around us even in this age of urban sprawl and rappers. I believe that fights should be few and furious and that romantic conquests should be drawn-out challenges with surprises around every corner. I believe that sports stars are overvalued and teachers underappreciated. I believe that rock songs should be twenty minutes long with fifteen minute instrumentals and I believe in long, drawn-out conversations about God and philosophy. And above all, I believe that even though I might not know how to handle it yet, love is the most powerful force in the universe. This is me, take it or leave it.
|Sunday, January 14th, 2007|
|Quotes of the days and my life
First some quotes from the past few days. There were funny things said and I think they need to be noted...
Craig: So if bacon is meat candy, does that make a corn dog a meatscicle?
...I can't believe you just used the hammer of dawn on me...
...I've had you in checkmate for the past 10 moves... I must be rustier than I thought...
32-32... Wow, I've never seen that happen before...
Nobody loves you and you're going to die alone.
A knight and a king... Wow, I've never seen that happen before...
Me: ...Dad, are you sure those are honey BBQ wings? *sweating from eyeballs*
Dad: *takes a bite and flinches* No, those are DEFINETELY not honey BBQ wings! Jesus!
Me: I think I like them.
Mom: Why don't you go check and see how long the wait is, be nice.
Me: Excuse me, but you told us it was going to be ten or fifteen minutes, and that was a blatant lie, so I'd like our money back.
Waitress: You haven't paid anything yet.
Me: Then I'd like my hour back.
Waitress: You're two names down on the list, it'll be about ten or fifteen minutes.
Mom: What'd they say?
Me: It's gonna be an hour.
EDIT!!! I've just gotta add this one.
My sunday school teacher: "The Jews are a prejudiced people"
So over the past couple of years I think I've become intellectually lazy. Used to be I could outwit or outsmart pretty much anybody else out there. It was one thing about myself that I was truly proud of, and I think I've kind of started to let it go. It's not from lack of brainpower, just lack of work. I was just messing around on this web-game where you had to place the 50 states, and I couldn't remember the names of like 10 of them... that's just sad.
Now I'm a brilliant WoW player... how great is that? So this semester I have a goal of actually starting to learn again.
|Sunday, January 7th, 2007|
|Wow, it's been a while
I have a feeling that I may or may not be moving onto here for a while from DA... It really doesn't matter to me. Anyway, Duplicate journal entry, if you read DA, you can ignore this.
Anyway, on to other stuff. Birthday party went well. We ended up at B&N instead because we had too many people, but it happens. And there was cheesecake involved, and much running around the bookstore, and twenty questions with bananas that don't roll, Would you rathers about the importance of arms in sex, and horribly hilarious helen keller jokes. Afterwards I went over to Craig's with alex for the world's greatest fragfest, including a match between me and craig with nothing but rocket launchers... and also one with nothing but grenades, turrets, and energy swords. That made life fun.
The next day I went over alex's house for a while, just for the hell of it, and we played Devil May Cry, which is definetely NOT worth the hype. I went about 20 rounds with a giant magma spider that I still don't know how to beat, but you know how that is.
Ran Zul'Farrak, and finally killed Gahz'Rilla the giant 3 headed hydra, that was exciting, and I learned the joys of the Western Plaguelands... WoW is kind of my life right now.
We went out to eat Thursday at a place I really like, but when we called to reserve seats on our way over, it turned out they were on fire. Yeah, go figure. So me and the parentals had applebee's for my birthday dinner, and it was crappy, but oh well.
Jen was leaving for Georgia today... er, yesterday... and I wish her a safe and happy trip.
Went up to B&N today because that's where I go when I don't have anything better to do, and I wanted another piece of cheesecake... (Not an addict) and ran into *gasp* mooney! We caught up on current events and he explained how he's taking a three credit college course in 11 days, which sounds very scary, but he seemed to be doing ok. Then tonight I went Cosmic bowling with a bunch of kids from my church college class for one of their birthdays. I'm not really so close to any of them anymore except amanda, but we had a good time... and met a cute redhead while we were at it... Don't worry, not interested. She was nice, but not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Then her boyfriend showed up... lol.
So I'm really psyched for the semester to start up again. Honestly, and I swear I'm not just saying this for the mel thing, I want out of longwood. The smart people there are egotistical because they're around so many dumb people, and the others shouldn't even be in college... (5 points to the first one who figures out the irony in that sentence) so I'm thinking I just get my grades up, and make a transfer to a decent journalism school. I want to meet an intellectual who isn't so caught up in him/herself that they can't interact with other people. I want somebody who I can have an intelligent conversation with, but who also isn't afraid to laugh at stupid stuff. And I know so few people like that. At least not at longwood. I want to meet people who can teach me stuff... but not in that "Look what we know that you don't" sense.
Anyway, I know it's been a weird week, so I just want to thank the people who helped me through. Craig, for helping me pwn n00bz0rz all week, and just generally being awesome. Gree for listening to my shit, alex for listening to my shit A LOT, and jen for always being able to cheer me up. And Amanda of course, because she's been great.
Here's too an exciting new year and an exciting new adventure.
(PS... Helen Keller went to town Riding on a Pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it mwouaer)
|Wednesday, October 11th, 2006|
Nobody's going to do this... I was just really bored.
So here it is, Russell's cipher challenge. If you finish it and I know you, I'll treat you to dinner some time before christmas. Like at applebees or Ruby Tuesdays. Moderately priced sit-down restaraunt.
Each of these are codes, and they become increasingly difficult. All of them except the last two are simple cryptograms...
The first is a simple cryptogram, all you have to do to solve it is look at your keyboard.
Tqei eohitk uoctl q esxt ygk lgscofu zit ftbz eohitk. O voli ngx zit wtlz gy sxea. Zit esxt ol: zit ftbz eohitk xltl zit lqdt stzztkl.
15/25 14/07/24 05/17/06’/26 12/15/19/03/20 26/09/15/12 07/06/20 21/15/03/20 24/08.
26/09/20 06/20/02 05/15/08/09/2011 15/12 17/19/12/07 20/17/12/14. 16/24/12/26 26/09/15/06/01 23/17/05/01/22/17/11/18/12.
62/90/02 60/50/20/62 50/70/81/02 51/21 62/90/02 21/71/40/02 71/21 62/90/51/21 70/60/02. 62/90/02/21/02 50/70/81/02/21 71/91/91 71/81/81 62/70 02/71/50/90 70/62/90/02/11.
7-05/18-52/24-46/70-21 60-01/23-47/33-00. 58-04/45-45/01-01 20-40/02-00/12-08/61-01 21-29/65-05/72-09/00-02 50-01/04-17 43-09/09-81/01-01
21-30/29-33 41-01/11-10/02-00/09-13 62-00/56-34/00-02 20-01/62-09/39-01/01-01
2 68-03/17-05 55-07/45-45/02-00 88-03/55-16/18-03/60-02 35-35/28-32/01-01. 40-22/82-08/50-01/28-32/04-06 25-25/33-37/19-21/40-40/03-39/57-05/02-0
atxcu/eufgp/dsaaa ibneu/iuptr/laofg/oauth/wopee/maeto eghjk/pcute. eriea/aeqwx/ertou/truce zxujo/ilaet/actvb/athio calio/ieata/kouet/aekil/kkoko
aabaa/wiwii/ighou/ogfou/paiat/talak place/uijkl saswo/oswrd/oipko.
|Thursday, August 17th, 2006|
|Story and survey
Once there was a very handsome prince. He was noble and brave, the fiercest warrior in the land. He was betrothed to a princess, beautiful and pure. She was the very symbol of virtue. Of course, this was before the women's rights movement in this particular country, so the fact that she wasn't all that bright never really factored in, and as well isn't important to the story, as she will be kidnapped and not mentioned again until the end.
It was the day of the wedding, and our lovers were preparing for the big day. The princess was getting dressed, and the prince was sharpening his sword.(haha, it's an inuendo) Suddenly a dragon appeared as if from nowhere. He breathed his firey breath and set the castle ablaze. He flew over the princess, and seeing her beauty and general hotness, fell instantly in love, scooped her up into his talons, and dragged her back to his cave. (how would that even work?!)
The prince was very upset at being deprived of his lovely bride, and immediately set off to find her and slay the evil dragon. He went in search of a way to kill a dragon. In the villagers' tavern, he heard of an old hermit who lived a secluded life away from the village. The inkeeper explained to him that this man knew the way to slay the evil creature, but in order to get there, the prince would have to cross the field of the dead, find a way through the river of blood, and then climb to the very summit of the mountain of doom. So the prince said "screw that!" and went in search of another, easier to access source.
In the neighboring village he was greeted by the village idiot, who claimed that he could make a potion that would kill the dragon instantly if the prince could trick the dragon into consuming it. The prince did not believe the village idiot, because the village idiot was wearing his pants on his head. "surely," thought the prince, "A man with this little sense cannot know the only way to slay a horrendous beast like the dragon I am facing. However, I bet I could trick him into being bait for whatever brilliant plan I come up with." And with that, the prince implored the idiot to travel with him to the lair of the dragon.
They travelled for many days and many nights. As they travelled, the idiot told a story about having met one with even less intelligence than he had. This man had seemed so stupid that nobody believed that he could do anything. However, in the end, this little, stupid, wimpy man had saved the village. The idiot would not shut up about this stupid story, so the prince throttled him in his sleep, took all of his stuff, and continued on alone.
Upon arriving in the dragon's lair, the prince hatched a plan. He would startle the dragon, the dragon would look up, and the prince would throw his sword with all of his strength directly into the dragon's neck.
He picked up a rock about the size of his fist and threw it into the cave. The dragon did look up, startled, and the prince threw the sword as hard as he could. The sword flew with true aim, and bounced directly off of the dragon's scaled neck. (you stupid idiot) The princess, tied up in the back (conspiciously naked) screamed in terror as the dragon turned and roared a mighty roar.
It was then that the prince realized the truth. The idiot had been trying to explain to him that even the weakest and seemingly least important of us has something to contribute to the world. That everyone has a gift, and a part to play in this play that we call life. And with confidence, he removed the potion from his belt and thrust it with all of his might into the dragon's mouth.
Then the dragon gobbled up the handsome prince and beautiful princess and lived happily ever after. The end.
And the moral of this story is this: If the love of your life is ever captured by a powerful, seemingly invincible monster, just hire a hooker. And don't do drugs.
So yeah, I leave in three days. Thought I'd put that up to amuse you, and then put this survey up here to annoy you.
1. Who are you?
2. How do we know each other?
3. How long have we been friends?
4. What was your first impression of me?
5. Do you still think the same thing about me?
6. Do you think that I've changed a lot in the time that you've known me?
7. Have I changed for better or for worse?
8. What is one thing that you really like about me?
9. What is one thing that you think I can improve on?
10. Where do you see me 5 years from now?
11. Ten years from now?
12. Are you going to post this so that I can fill it out about you?
|Tuesday, July 11th, 2006|
So today was rather eventful actually.
I woke up around noon and went out to check the mail. Got to the mailbox, there was no mail. I walked back up and went to go back in my house. Realized that I had shut the door and was now locked out. Went around to all of my windows with my neigbors staring like I was some kind of freak, finally found and open one, and crawled through it. Loads of fun. Needless to say, once I got inside, I checked to make sure that all the windows were locked. The whole concept of getting into a house without a key is kind of scary anyway. So that was exciting.
Went to the mall with Jen. That was fun. Hot Topic's air conditioning was broken so it was like an inferno. And the pretzel place ran out of pretzels. THE PRETZEL PLACE RAN OUT OF PRETZELS. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?! So got a pretzel anyway, then realized that I really didn't want a pretzel, then tried to find a way to give my pretzel to starving children in ethiopia... the entire thing was a giant mess. Bobba (sp?) and Adela (sp?) were there, so we hung out with them most of the time, and much to my suprise, I did not have to endure long, annoying conversations about anime. Wow... So that was fun, had to leave about 6ish to go to bible study. Oh, and we met a little girl who could talk to fish.
So the bible study tonight. We did sex, and it was awful. It all started with this video about "how far is too far." They never said anything. I mean, they never actually made a point with this video. Then they handed out these wonderful worksheets filled with bible quotes taken COMPLETELY out of context. I love the one where they used Song of Solomon to show that sex should be in a marraige between one man and one woman. Solomon had 40 wives. That amuses me. And they pretty much said that even the desire to have sex is a sinful one and that we should ignore it. Now here's my stance on sex. It's a commitment. If you're going to do it, you should be willing to accept the idea that you could make a little person. You should be not only willing, but ready to give up your entire life to support said little person. And you should have the means by which to support said little person. That's my personal oppinion, you can think what you want, but that's my take on it. However, the act of sex is not "evil" per say. People who think sexual thoughts are human, not sinful. This is where christian philosophy contradicts itself, because God definetely said "go and be fruitful." Really, the whole thing is silly. People who are attracted to each other are going to want to engage in certain activities, and if there is a God up there, he created us to do just that. Otherwise we wouldn't have those desires. And by claiming that all forms of passion and lust are sinful we're cutting off a major part of human existance. The secret is moderation and self control, not just declaring the whole thing evil and avoiding it.
Sorry about my mini-rant. After the bible study, I went over Mel's for a while. Her mom had surgery today and they're keeping her for observation. It sounds like she's going to be fine, but still, keep her in mind.
So very weird, messed up day. But it's also kind of nice to be back among the living for once.
Oh, and I made level 30 in WoW. 3 weeks, 30 levels. Who's bad?
|Sunday, July 2nd, 2006|
I ran out of people on devart so I'm off to tag people everywhere else.
I've been tagged. I'm also supposed to be going to sleep. I will, really soon.
1. What color are your kitchen plates?
2. What book are you reading now?
The Broker by John Grisham
3. What is on your mouse pad?
4. Favorite board game?
Risk or Chess
5. Least favorite smells?
skunk (ironic, isn't it?)
6. What is the first thing you think of in the morning?
it's usually something sexual (weird) followed shortly by "just five more minutes"
7. Favorite color:
8. Least favorite color:
baby poop green. I don't know the technical name for it, but the green that looks like shit after you've been sick.
9. How many rings until you answer the phone?
10. Future Child's Name:
Girl: I'm cool with October. Boy: Absolutely not Alden. Damien? Maybe Joshua, lol.
11. Chocolate or Vanilla?
12. Do you like to drive fast?
YES, but I don't do it much (chicken)
13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
no, but I have two at the foot of my bed. A skunk (gift from mel) called skunkie, and a llama, appropriately named Duck.
14. Do you like thunderstorms?
depends on my mood
15. What was your first car?
a possessed kia
16. What is your sign?
17. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
18. If you could have any job what would it be?
President. You think I'm kidding.
19. If you could have any color hair what would it be?
slightly lighter brown
20. Is the glass half full or half empty?
21. What is your favorite movie?
"A Beautiful Mind"
22. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
23. What’s under your bed?
my brother's bed
24. What is your favorite number?
25. Favorite sports to watch?
I can deal with football
26. Your single biggest intense pain?
once I think I broke my finger
27. Person most likely to respond?
28. Person you sent this to who is least likely to respond?
either jenken or idioma
29. Ketchup or mustard?
31. Hamburger or hot dog?
32. Favorite season?
33. The best place you have ever been?
Cuernavaca, Mexico (feeling nostalgic tonight)
34. What is your screen saver?
35. What is your favorite fast food place?
36. What is your favorite breed of Dog?
the Walruss, skunkie, Wihi... anybody remember that one?
38. Have you ever been kissed by the opposite gender?
39. What annoys you the most?
people who are ignorant by choice.
40. What’s your crush's name?
that would be mel... my girlfriend
41. What’s your best friend’s name?
42. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
43. What type of music do you dislike the most?
45. What is currently on your wrist?
46. Okay, if you and one other person could be alone on the entire planet, who would you choose?
47. Who would you make out with right now?
brazilian bikini model... I mean... mel. Seriously, mel.
48. What's one fear you have and one fear you don't?
one fear I have: death. One fear I don't: public speaking/humiliation
49: What is your favorite cartoon?
no more cartoons, ever again
50. If you could be anywhere in the World at this very moment, where would you be?
51. How many stuffed animals do you have?
52. How many times a day do you fart?
I don't. I release my gases through little holes in my skin. they are then purified by my hair filter. Sorry, that's the best I can do with such a COMPLETELY RETARDED QUESTION!
53. How many places(worldwide) have you visited?
54. If you had to cut off one body part, which would it be?
55. What do you think about your own art?
if by art you mean like painting and shit, it's crap. If you count my writing as art, I'm pleased with it... could use improvement. Too bad Longwood has NO FREAKING WRITING PROGRAM!!!! (very distressed about this)
56. What keeps you sane?
sanity is long gone
57. How do you want to die?
doing something exciting
58. What are your opinions about death?
I intend to never die. I want to spread out my ideas as much as I can into general society so that in a way my soul will live on and I'll be immortal. This is not a joke.
59. What do you truthfully think about me? (As in person you were 'tagged' by.)
I love her. I'm crazy over her, and pretty much everything about her. She's one of the most amazing people I know. I wish she'd be willing to try things that she might fail at occasionally.
60. Some online stalker has knocked on your front door, and you're home alone. sneak out the back
61. If you had to flee the country with only: One family member, One Friend, and one thing of your choice, who/what would you choose? My cousin Valerie, (you can't possibly be asking me to chose a friend)... gree/mel... I don't know... mel..., and the computer.
..:: Now add a question to this quiz, and the 5 people you tag have to answer that question and add one of their own ::..
62. What sized penis do you prefer?
63. Lowest age limit u'd date?
17, because I'm 18
64. Chicken or Turkey?
65. Thong or G-string
I generally wear a thong
66. Ass or Titties?
67. Wet and Halfnaked or Naked and Greasy?
the first one
68. what do you prefer, racing games or fighting games?
69. (why'd i get stuck w/ the sex number?) what's ur fav sex position?
Any of them work.
Feel free to skip the crappy questions at the end, they aren't mine. I didn't add one. Tagged, Jenken, norseman
|Wednesday, June 14th, 2006|
|Gradumatation and some happy little notes
So yesterday they unleashed the citizens of the corner on society. If you don't know about the corner let me completely explain what this means to you.
MOVE. TO. MARS!!! FAST!!!
So yeah, graduation. I'm done with school. There are things I'm going to miss. Monday after graduation practice me and mel went through the school one last time, just to say goodbye to all the important people and places of our lives for the past 4 years, and I realized that, despite the evil stored within it, Manchester High School had sort of become my home. I stopped by Szwabowski's room to say goodbye before leaving. That was the hardest one, because Señora Szwabowski has pretty much been my mentor through this whole "ordeal." I stopped in Ms. Wilborn's room for a second. Despite the fact that I hated her class, I really think I learned a lot in there, and I wanted her to know. Then me and mel both went by Mooney's trailer, but he wasn't in. I'm not too upset about that, I know I'll be talking to both Mooney and Szwabowski a lot in the future. We also said goodbye to the corner. The place that I spent every morning for months just trying to get Mel to laugh, back before I realized that we might be more than friends. The place where I met a lot of the people who are important to me now.
So yeah, I'll miss some things. I'll miss creative writing class. I'll miss Spanish Immersion. Eric didn't explain what the program was all about very well. It's not about learning spanish and adding 500,000,000 friends to myspace, because there really aren't 500,000,000 people who I like in the world. One of the reasons I refuse to join myspace to begin with. The program was about opening the door to new cultures. It was about doing something difficult, and doing it well. It was about exercizing parts of our brain that would otherwise never be used. Spanish Immersion was a family... I didn't like all the members, but I learned to live with them, deal with them, and rely on them... or most of them. It was a challenge to expose ourselves to an entirely new world, and through hard work and the help of our teachers succeed there as well. And if we happened to learn spanish in the process, then so much the better.
But I was more struck by what I'm not going to miss. I'm not going to miss superficial cliques based on nothing. I'm not going to miss classes that have been tailored to meet requirements that aren't even set by true educators. I'm not going to miss being told what types of classes I need to take. I know what I'm interested in.
I guess the real thing is that I am finally free to live my life for me. I'm sick of living it for other people. My parents, my teachers, and sometimes even my friends. I have a clean slate and a diploma covered in seals. The world is mine. I just love this feeling that I could go anywhere and do anything. I'm majoring in political science. Whenever I tell somebody that, they say "Oh god, why?!" So I'll tell you. The country needs to be fixed. Somebody's got to do it. Now I don't pretend that I can do it by myself, but maybe I can make some small change somewhere. Either in a school, here in Virginia or maybe in Washington if I can find a way to work there without having to work or live there. And I no longer have to seek approval from anybody when I want to do something. It's my life now. And that's the best part of graduating.
So I have some stuff that I want to say to pretty much everybody, and I really don't think that I'll ever get the chance to say it to them in person. So I'll put them up here. These are personal messages. If I had a real issue with you reading them, I wouldn't put them up, but they really aren't for you if they don't have your name on it. They pretty much consist of a little message and a bit of advice, take it or leave it.
Wow, it's been an interesting four years with you. I never knew quite what to think of you. At first, I was afraid of you, and then when I saw you with Christina I was jealous... I never really got to know you though. When I heard that you and Alex were kind of flirting with the idea of dating, I assumed the worst. You know what happens when you assume. But I'm glad it happened. For a lot of reasons. First off, you and alex make a great couple. Who would have thought that 1 insane person + 1 insane person = relative sanity. The other is that I ended up getting to know you. Once you get past your... kind of scary outside, you're really a pretty great guy. Which is good, because I was in desperate need of testosterone in my life. Keep in touch or die.
And don't look back so much. It's easy to dwell on the past, what could have been done differently, what you should have done that you didn't... but in the long run, it really doesn't matter. You have a great thing going with alex, and a play that is being put on by live performers. Your life looks great if you look at what you had, and not at what you've lost. Then again, you already know that.
Okay, I'm not going to lie. At first I really hated you. REALLY REALLY hated you. I started hanging out with you to get close to your best friend. Yeah, not right, but I've never been very good at starting... or ending relationships, and I figured that any ally I had on her side of the fence would not be a bad thing. So I'm sorry for that, but I'm glad that I did it. Because you sort of grew on me. Now I consider you like a sister. One almost as maniacal and evil as I am, but in a good way. I'm glad to know you, keep in touch.
I have some advice for you too, but I'm not going to put it here. If you want it ask me, but it's not that great either, so feel free not to.
So I met you this year and you're one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I already feel as close to you as I do to many of my friends. We see the world the same a lot. Ugly, screwed up, and completely ours for the taking. I guess we both also feel kind of trapped. But for me, I'm free now. Don't know about you. I'm glad that I have one friend who really knows how to party. Not that that's my personality, but it's good to have somebody around who knows how to have a good time, you know? I look forward to longwood with you.
The advice is simple. Everyone is allowed one really massive screw up from time to time. Don't do it again.
We don't talk all that much anymore. We've kind of drifted apart and that's both of our faults, and really there isn't a problem with that. We both have our seperate lives to live. But I hope you've never gotten the impression that I disliked you. We met under weird circumstances. Really weird. And that's made it kind of difficult for us to be friends. But whatever I might have said, I always enjoy hanging around with you. You're a lot of fun on most days, and you've been one of my more loyal friends even when I was a jerk to you.
Advice... we're in the same boat as far as our futures are concerned. Both of us would rather be headed somewhere else. So my advice is this. Don't ever settle. We're the big fish in a small pond now. We'll swim around, try out the water, and if it isn't any good, then we'll move to a bigger pond. But we'll be the best wherever we go. It's what we do. Maybe not the best at everything, but we'll find something, and we'll be the best at it. Good luck. And try to pop up and say hi from time to time. I'll do the same.
This would be the hard one... I've been pretty much infatuated with you for most of high school. I guess if I'm really honest with myself I still am a little bit. You're brilliant, talented and beautiful, and more than that you have such drive and passion about everything that you consider important. It's an incredibly attractive quality to me. And I wish that I had gotten up the guts to ask you out at some point. Just to see what would happen. Whether you'd say yes, what it would be like, whether we'd want to kill each other within a week, etc. But then I fell in love with mel. And suddenly that didn't seem so important anymore. Which is a good thing, because I'm glad that I had you as a friend. You live, in a lot of ways, the type of life that I want to make for myself. A busy one, but one that's full of little successes and always trying to go just a little higher and do just a little better. I consider you one of my best friends, and I hope that you try to keep in touch... visit us here in Ol' Virginy from time to time.
Adivce... Be careful not to forget that there are other people in the world. That's not saying that you're selfish. Selfishness is when you have a choice between caring for yourself and caring for those who are important to you, and you choose to care only for yourself. You don't do that. But you do tend to isolate yourself from the world. It's easy to do. You're special. And the percieved arrogance that a lot of people see in you isn't necessarily unbased. But the thing about being a friend is that a lot of times you have to deal with their problems too. Not every little thing that comes up, but many times what they consider important may seem trivial to you. And part of being a true friend is helping them through it anyway, as opposed to just telling them to grow up and get over it. It's a hard balance between not letting other people drag you down and not being there for them at all. But everyone has to try to keep it. And let other people bear some of your problems from time to time. That's friendship. And without it, you might find yourself very lonely. Just a thought. I'll miss you next year.
Gree! Eh you've already heard this one a thousand times. My best friend, there for me through thick and thin, my unrelated twin, etc. Hey, that kind of rhymed. But seriously, don't lose touch, and don't forget about me. You're the single most important friend I have.
Now for the advice. You always tend to find the best in people. I try to do the same. It's not a bad quality. But the problem with it is that you also tend to kind of ignore the not so good parts. It's easy to end up with people in your life who are only leeches. Who just cause you hurt over and over again without even thinking about it. So my advice is this. Be meaner. Get rid of those people. They only drag you down. And watch who you date. Just my opinion, take it or leave it.
You're my better half. That's the only way to put it. Not that we aren't people on our own. I know we are. But when we're together, we kind of complete each other. Your way of looking at the world and mine are similar, but different enough that they compliment each other. Example. We're both agnostic. But you see things that I don't. You notice the supernatural, mystical things. And by spending so much time with you, I've started to too. Our beliefs and values and lives compliment each other so well (get ready to gag) it's almost like we were made for each other. And the way that no matter what happens we end up together... At the same college now... there's too much there to be coincidence. I know I love you, and the universe seems to be on our side. So even though I know we're both nervous about how things will change in college, it seems like we have pretty much everything going for us, including God himself or whatever else it might be that's in charge up there. So I don't think we have too much to worry about.
Advice. You are, in many ways, very unlucky. I expect more from you than I do from any other human being alive. And this is why. You are absolutely brilliant. You're mind still baffles me from time to time. You have talent beyond what I think even you know. Anything that you really put your mind to you're good at. And you have at you're fingertips, almost unlimited potential. Your only problem is that you constantly convince yourself that you can't do it. You have a brain that is constantly telling you that you aren't good enough, that you aren't going to make it. And there is no way that you would fail if you truly believed in yourself. So my advice is this. Don't be afraid to try new things. Sometimes when the bridge is out, you just have to put the petal to the metal and try to jump it... metaphorically of course. Please don't jump off a bridge. But we all have a lot of growing to do, and one of the best ways to do it is by taking risks, screwing up, making mistakes, and then moving on anyway. You are absolutely petrified of making mistakes. But make them anyway. And I know that me and the other people who care about you will be there to pull you out of any hole you fall in. As I would hope you would do for me. So fall in some holes, let us pull you out, and then try again. Best of luck, I look forward to our time together at longwood.
|Monday, June 5th, 2006|
|a not-quite apology and plans for tomorrow?
So the hissy fit's over. It wasn't really directed at EVERYBODY and the ones that it was directed at I've talked to.
I'm feeling fairly optimistic at this point about humanity in general. Honestly, I think that except for that whole pesky religion thing, this world is working just the way it should be. One day I will remove religion, thereby making the world a perfect place. Or something like that.
Anyway, about my little whatever that was earlier, don't worry too much about it. Yeah, from time to time I feel like I'm not getting respect for what I do, but that's not about you. That's about my parents constantly reminding me that if I had only made eagle scout, or if I had only gotten a B instead of a C that one year or whatever, that I might be in William and Mary right now.
As for jokes about me, I personally enjoy them most days. Just one of the girls? I am. I have, what? Two male friends? and I'm not sure pegram counts. Speaking of guys who get no respect...
But seriously, I don't mind the jokes. I make them about everybody else, and don't expect them to get all offended. Just from time to time it's nice to hear somebody say something truly nice to you. Generally speaking everybody I hang out with is really good at that.
So yeah, life is better now. I was really looking forward to going to see The Omen tomorrow. I had planned on making it a date with me and mel for our 18 months (spooky) but it looks like that's not going to work out for a variety of reasons. So if anybody wants to go see the omen tomorrow, please let me know. Only I can't be there between 7 and 8:30... given that that's generally the time that one would go to a movie, I understand if it wouldn't work out... But I can go before... or after... And I don't have school the next day.
Just let me know.
|Sunday, June 4th, 2006|
So this weekend was good in the laid-back kind of way.
Synopsis. Friday I woke up and went to a crappy awards ceremony. For the manchesterians here, this was part two of the awards ceremony, with both of them combined approaching 8 hours. They gave out awards for EVERYTHING!! Clip your toenails at some point? Congratulations. You just won an award. It ticks me off, because I really feel like it takes away from the people who really deserve to be recognized when you give out a million of them for everything. Give out less and make them important. So came home from that in a crappy mood for a variety of reasons. Most of which being that I was sick of sitting there listening to some idiot babble on about the absolutely mediocre "accomplishments" of our high school's graduating class.
Came home. Still no word from William and Mary. Considering my calc grade, I've kind of given up hope, but a letter or something would give me some sort of closure so that I could move on with my life. Just a thought. Not like this has been my obsession and sole goal for the past 12 years of my life or anything. Not like I worked my ass off for years to get this. Not like I wasn't one crazy biology teacher away from making it anyway. Not like I wouldn't be completely happy in farmville for four years taking classes for a degree that I can't get there. But hey, at least I know the people there. I won't have to start completely over. I won't have to worry about making a new impression and maybe some new friends and having new experiences. No, I've already got all of that stuff taken care of. I get four more years of this.
So anyway, then I went to eat with my crazy aunt for her birthday. Captain George's in Williamsburg. Not that I don't like seafood... I just really don't like seafood. But not bad. I came, I ate, I slept on the way home.
Saturday. I woke up at 9:30 and went to work the concessions at rockwood. Suprisingly the best part of my weekend. It's nice to feel needed and appreciated from time to time, and that's what the guys there did. They were actually grateful to have somebody to help out. And it wasn't hard manual labor our anything. Just running the cash register. Four easy hours of community service. And I got hit on by cute girls. Which was nice. Not because I was interested because they really weren't exactly my type. But it's nice for somebody to actually act like you're worth something from time to time. Just a thought. I've really gotten used to not getting a whole lot of respect. Not that I don't think that people like me, I've just heard "Russell, you're so STUPID!" being yelled through screaming laughter so many times that it gets old. Or better yet, "We all know russell doesn't have a penis." That's a classic. Just one of the girls. Except, OH WAIT, I'M NOT! Yeah, go figure. Not that I want everybody to recognize my obvious studliness. I understand that some people are so blinded by it that they just fail to see it. But there's a difference between recognizing that I'm the most attractive human being that you've ever seen (craig, that goes for you too) and realizing that I'm MALE for god's sake. It would be nice if some people would stop just assuming that because I'm not ready to fight over every single damned thing that comes my way that I'm not capable of protecting myself or others if the situation arises. Or don't act like that I'm going to stick around because I'd never find anybody else anyway. I choose to stay around you for a reason. I like you. It's not that I don't have a choice, it's that I choose you people. I'm sorry that you think so little of me that you can't even treat me with a little bit of respect.
And while I'm chewing everybody out anyway, let me just say this. I am so fucking sick of all of this negativity. You have to take a couple of exams? Deal with it. It's not like you have a hard life. You had to file exam exemptions and you don't handle the stress well? I'm sorry, but you could at least try to not be completely bitchy to every person who crosses your path. And if I hear one more person start a conversation with the words "You know what I really hate?" I might kill them. Not that I don't have my share of pet peeves, but GOD. Just for once I'd like to hear somebody start a conversation with "You know what I love?" and the answer NOT be Anime. I'd like to see some passion. I'd like to see something that people enjoy. I love video games. I love a lot of movies. I love deviantart. I love mel. I love all of my friends. I love rainstorms and Queen songs, and the Ultimate Showdown, and Steven Lynch, and life in general. I love little children... OH AND PUPPIES!! I LOVE PUPPIES!!! SO FOR ONCE IN OUR FUCKING LIVES CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH WE HATE SCHOOL AND TALK ABOUT PUPPIES?!
I'm crazy over all of you guys, but jeez. Some respect and puppies. That's all I ask.
|Thursday, June 1st, 2006|
|Poems for friends
So I'm writing poems for all of my friends. So far I've finished three, and I'm working on three more. The ones that I have finished are Staci, Gree, and Jen. I'm working on Craig, Alex and Mel right now. Craig and Alex's are hard because I haven't known them as long, and I want Mel's to be good... which these aren't.
So anyway, here they are, crazy poems from a crazy mind.
I don't think that I've ever felt
a connection so strong as the one with you
our every single word and thought
binds us close like crazy glue.
Throughout the years you've always been
the best part of my life each day,
from a crush to the best of friends
you've always known just what to say
So for four amazing years
I thank you so very much
and I ask you one more favor:
Please always keep in touch.
That one was a poem for gree... Yay gree! And I had fun writing it, even though it sucks. So there you go.
I remember the day that we first met
I thought my destiny was set
because nowherer else in this world could there be
such an imaculate picture of pure beauty
and the moment that your eyes met with mine
I thought I was looking at something divine
and that I could never get my fill
of this person who seemed to make time stand still.
I stood rooted with feet of lead
while brilliance radiated from each word you said
but while I considered what to say
a tiny voice seemed to warn me away
And years later it finally ends
with you as one of my closest friends
distant admiration gave way to a close tie
I just wish I knew how to say goodbye.
It's always been hard to describe your effect
like metal to a supermagnet
but I know this one final thing to be true
I'll never encounter another like you.
Uh... yeah jen... I was a little psychoticly crazy over you when we first met. Well, I still am, just in a different way. Anyway, I started writing, and this is kind of what came out, which is going to be a pain I'm sure, but I wanted to do one for everybody and I didn't want to have to rewrite. So here it is, whoever you are, take it however. I'm not dealing with drama my last week of school.
I suppose I looked up to you
your wit, brilliance,
I guess I thought that
you understood the world like I do
living a happy life
but longing to be free
that was a beautiful person
near and dear to me
I guess that person is dead
but I think you should know
I really miss her
and if one day you should see her
tell her where I am.
I'll be waiting.
Ewww, crappy free verse. Staci's poem. I think it's pretty self explanatory.
So that's it... kind of wondering whether it was a good idea to even start this, as I might end up upsetting quite a few people, but I think it's important for my friends to know honestly what I think of them and what the good things were and what the bad things are. I love all you guys.
|Tuesday, May 30th, 2006|
|A tale of two walrusses
You know, there are two of me. There really are. I know that's kind of hard to believe, since just dealing with one of me is too much for about 97% of the population, but there's definetely two. Mel has met my evil twin on a number of occassions. I guess the rest of you probably have too, although you probably didn't realize it.
One of me is happy. He is completely content to go to Longwood, to become a teacher, to live my life and have a family. He's crazy over all of his friends, although disappointed in a few. He would never do anything to hurt the girl he loves. He's always nice, always mild mannered, and never loses his temper. When something unexpected comes along, he just deals with it or ignores it. Whatever it is, it'll work itself out. He doesn't panic over little things. Or big things. He just doesn't panic. He's done with school at this point. He could care less if his GPA was a 4.0 or not because who cares? He's a boy scout. Sometimes he goes for long walks in the woods. He loves to be alone or with friends. He cares what they think quite a bit, and refuses to hurt their feelings no matter what. He would never ask anything of anybody except for them to listen to him be stupid from time to time and at least pretend to be amused. Despite his complete lack of motivation and pansyish tendencies, I usually like him better.
The other me is never happy. He's satisfied when he does something right, but then he moves on to the next task. He's always pushing what he can do, because he knows he can do anything if he works at it. He wants to be the president of the united states. No joke. That is what he wants to do with his life. I'm smart, I could do it. He is also madly in love with mel, but not happy to just sit in a relationship. He doesn't try to get out of it for a lot of reasons. He doesn't want to risk losing her, and he couldn't stand to see her with another guy. But he also feels that high school is too early to have such a close attachment. He's pissed at me for buying the ring. He isn't happy with Longwood. He wants to be at William and Mary. He wants to prove that he can do that too. He really thinks that the "other me" is dragging him down, and that he could fly if it weren't for the fact that I'm such a push-over. He cares what very few of his friends think of him. He's motivated a lot by sex and greed. He hides most of the time. I don't pay him much mind. But he's always there, and he's always annoying. It's frustrating because I need him. He's where I get a lot of motivation and inspiration. But he's also annoying.
I just wanted to explain. Sometimes I'm afraid that I come across as wishy washy. Like I don't actually have an opinion. Often times, I'm just trying to figure out who I am.